I'm From the Island of Misfit Toys

Been thinking about the last question I asked: why do I care so much what others think about me???

I believe it is because of my childhood. I was "chubby".....taller and bigger than most kids my age. So I was teased daily. some of my nicknames were Tubby the tuba, fatty fatty 2 by 4 couldn't get through the bathroom door, etc.That tends to stick with a kid ya know?

Then there were things like not being able to do the monkey bars like the other kids did, or not having my knee socks fit like the other girls.

But, the biggest thing was that my own grandmother looked at me as a fatr kid. She had me on a low carb diet at an early age. She sewed dresses for me and always stressed that girls my size wore A line dresses to hid the hips. and never wear large prints....heaven forbid!! All I ever heard was"I am a big disappointment to this lady that means so much to me." I know she worried that I might never date, let alone marry.

The sad thing .....when I look back at my old pictures....I don't look fat.....I was just bigger than most kids my age. Even my children have pointed this out to me......so what the hell????

This low self image has haunted me my entire life.....even today. And, I have come to appreciate that even though I might be bigger than some people I know.....I resemble most of my female cousins and that eases the pain I feel. Its like "Hey world!! This is me!! Deal with it....I look like my family!!"

But, it has also affected the way I deal with everything.......I have always leaned toward being shy and introverted so I wouldn't feel the sting of hurtful comments or stares. I never wanted to share my feelings or get close to others for fear of rejection.

I wish my grandma could see me now. I have been happily married for 30yrs....have 5 great kids....3 grandkids.....and here I am!!

I know that I will always be short and stout....like a little tea pot ya know. But isn't whats in my heart and my head more important than what I look like?

Ah, question #3............