My Life With Fibromyalgia

My name is Vicki. I live in Ohio. I am married, have 5 children , 4 grandchildren and one on the way. I love to cook, read sew, crochet, paint......I love life....most of the time. For 21 years now I have been dealing with my "mystery illness". I am extremely tired and my body hurts. I feel like I have the flu practically everyday of my life.I have been struggling and each year my symptoms seem to get worse. Loving life has become increasingly difficult. Aprox 6 years ago my doctor labeled my symptoms......Fibromyalgia. I went to a rhuematologist and a neurologist. I have had many tests....but nothing ever really showed up. I have tried many medications. Some of which really messed me up....one made me a zombie unable to function. Another made me gain weight. None have really helped alot. Some just help me manage to just get by. I can't sleep well.....I don't exercise like I should because I hurt....I try stretching....but that leads to cramps.....I can't eat right because I have times I get nauseous. It has affected my bowels which no longer work right and have caused me such pain that I have literally passed out. Making love to my husband is not the pleasure it once was....now I know it will affect me for days afterward. Stress makes me sicker. Brain fog is an everyday thing and I struggle to keep up. My legs don't always work right and it can get scarey. I have not worked in 3 years. I had to quit my last job before they fired me because I was missing so much work. Because of this...and my endless medical bills it has sent my family into financial hardship. I have filed for disability....but am not sure I qualify....and a part of me is deeply humiliated and ashamed for even doing this. I am depressed. It can be severe. Somedays I don't even feel I can crawl out of bed. I have searched my family history to see who else struggles with this and I have found that there are quite a few of my cousins who do. However, we also have a strong family history of autoimmune illnesses and I wonder if somehow these aren't all connected somehow. I have good days. And on those days I probably do more than I should to try and catch up on what needs to be done. However I know that I need to try and pace myself so I don't sabbotage my health for the next week. it is so hard to do because us "fibromites' never really know what tomorrow will be like. Family and friends have a hard time understanding just how bad I feel and just how hard daily life can be. It upsets me but I too feel bad because I am not the person I used to be. Fibromyalgia is real. Fibromyalgia is widespread. Fibromyalgia has robbed me