I just Want to Be Good at Something

My life has not really turned out the way I thought it would. Now, mind you, that's not all bad. It's mostly good. But life sure does give you some surprises along the way. Since fibro has inhibited my ability to hold down a "real" job....and since because of that it has inhibited my ability to bring in money for the household.....I started trying my hand at being "creative" to try and earn some money to help out. Being creative also seems to help me feel better ......if not always physically...it helps mentally. So, for the past couple of years I have been painting and decoupaging and crocheting. It made me feel so good. But I had a bad experience a year and a half ago when I had tried to become a part of a "community" of sorts and was told my items were not good enough to be included in this community. Needless to say I was crushed. It took me a long time to try again after that. And, I'm still recovering from it. I never feel confident anymore. But, today I took a step ......a step that was very hard for me to do. I put some of my "work" in a new little shop that is opening on Friday. The owner has made a big difference in my life with her encouragement. I still felt so nervous though. And looking around at all of the beautiful items in her store made me feel inadequate once again. I am not sure I fit in ...but I will keep you posted. I just want to be good at something.....I want to be good at something that no one else is. I want to be special and stand out because of my talent. Is that unrealistic? Fingers crossed that I can actually sell some items so I can feel productive again. And maybe that will help chase the depression away.

So, That's What You've Been Up To...............

Some of you may know that I don't have a normal job outside of the home because of my fibromyalgia......or whatever it is. I was diagnosed in 2006. And I was approved for disability a year ago......even though it is not alot of money it certainly helps. So, what do I do all day you might ask. Some days it is just a struggle to accomplish normal household duties. But I also help my 89 year old aunt. She is still pretty spry for her age but needs some help here and there. So I do what I can. Sometimes it is depressing, but it also helps me if I focus on her. Does that make sense? I don't dwell on my own aches and pains so much. I also try to spend sometime each day "creating". During the colder months I crochet.....alot. I am just beginning to read the book "Crochet Saved My Life.....the Mental and Physical Benefits of Crochet" by Kathryn Vercillo. Even though I have just begun....I totally agree with the premise of this book. Crocheting allows me to forget myself for a bit, to move beyond my limits.....to use my mind and be creative...which helps me feel better and feel productive. So, today I just wanted to share some pictures of my creations. I also have been able to donate hats to my local pregnancy life center and to the NICU unit where my daughter works. That also makes me feel like I am helping....even if it is just a little. I still struggle.....we still have issues with lack of money which makes me feel like I am to blame......but I am trying not to give up......and I am fighting to keep my depression in check.