Today is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

The doctor thinks I have fibromyalgia.

I hurt alot.

I hurt all over.

My pain migrates.

No two days are alike.

I can't sleep. Or I can't stay asleep.

My mind gets foggy and I forget things.

I am depressed.

I have bad days where I can't do much. I have had days where I spend it entirely in bed.

But, I have good days. So, when a good day comes along I overdo it and then pay for it later.

People think I am lazy.

No one really knows I am sick because I look ok.

I am sad because I don't enjoy things like I used to. Everything is a struggle. Nothing is easy. Everything is a chore.

This isn't how I pictured my life.

I have a hard time holding down a job. I haven't worked in 2 1/2 years.

I can't get disability because fibromyalgia isn't recognized as a disabling disease.

Sometimes my doctor doesn't even take me seriously.

I have tried more medications and therapies than I care to mention....without any help.

I am tired.

I keep going. I have things to do, people who depend on me.

I have things I want to do, places I want to go, people I want to see.

I just might take longer than most, or do things differently.

I take alot of rest breaks.

But I am not a quitter. I won't give up.

Fibromyalgia is real and it affects more people than you know.

Fibromyalgia is a serious health issue and I hope more people become informed and aware.

Feelings/Perspective

Today is one of those days where I am filled with different emotions.....various feelings. I feel like a jumbled mess.

I have mixed emotions over the happenings on Sunday...and with the wreath laying ceremonies today. My heart is filled with sadness for everyone who was lost and for their families who carry on.......I am filled with pride over people shouting USA, USA......and yet it makes me sad that it takes the death of an evil man to bring us here.

I am sad because of situations in my own life. Strained relationships, deaths of friends , health issues of my own and of people I care about,  children who live farther away than I want them to, Mother's Day without my mom.....

I feel blessed to live in this country, to have my family and my home.......I am filled with love for them.

I have hope that someday I will be in a better place with the people I hold dear......where there will be no more worries and no more tears.

I struggle with worry, even though I try to give them over to my God.....life's problems seem insurmountable at times. Endless bills- doctor, car insurance, plumbers, etc......I feel like the guy in "It's A Wonderful Life"....I'm worth more dead than I am alive.....

It's hard to keep things in perspective with no end in sight. Just how do we do it anyway? We keep plugging away...one foot in front of the other....doing what we can, and what we don't get to we try to do tomorrow....

One of my mom's favorite sayings was "keep your chin up".....is really good advice because in the midst of all of this chaos and hardship it would be so very easy to just give up.

Don't sweat the small stuff......I reminded my daughter in law this a few days ago......

KISS....keep it simple stupid.....is also good advice.

My heart is heavy today...too many feelings.....not enough words to describe how I feel.