I Am Having One of Those Days

Well, who knew it would be 11 months for me to write again. And who really cares ? Right? I know that most of the events in my life are not newsworthy.....ok, none of them are. I think that is why I have a hard time writing about things going on in my life. when I first started this blog (gosh, almost 2 years ago now?) I thought it would be easy because there is a part of me that loves to write. But, I have found that it is more difficult than I imagined. First, because it is hard to put your life "out there" to be judged and talked about and criticized and examined. Second, because who am I to think that my experiences and feelings matter to anyone but me? So...I am having one of those kind of days: where things aren't going right. I am having a lousy day. But, I bet you are too. Or, maybe you are having a fabulous day and you do not want to hear about my problems. I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. Do you understand that? Or are you thinking I am ridiculous? I feel like a failure. Have you ever felt like this? Or do you think I am being overly dramatic? I am questioning what I should do next. Is that normal or am I nuts? I worry about things like finances and relationships and health matters......the list is endless. > My problems aren't as big as some of you, but does that mean they do not matter? Does that mean it doesn't affect me or those I care about? Or do you think I am whining? Because I hurt am I allowed to voice that pain? Or should I just smile and go on like nothing matters? Because, you know, I do that ALOT! I try to be strong and brave but on days like today it is almost impossible to go on. I try to be the best person I can be. I try to put others before me. I try to do nice things for others. So why do I feel like when I do I keep getting kicked and knocked down? Am I just feeling sorry for myself? Why do I feel like giving up? In my life I have experienced betrayal by people I thought loved me......several times in fact. I have faced disappointment and sorrow and pain.............and so have you. Even at my advanced age I still question why I am here and am I doing what I need to do. I really don't want you to answer my questions? I just want to be able to feel the way I feel without feeling guilty about it. And without explaining myself or qualifying my emotions. Is that possible?