This past week has been one I hope I won't ever have to repeat.
First...I was at three different funeral homes this week. Once is too much.
One funeral was for a dear family member who passed away at 84. It's hard, but in your head you reason it out thinking that they had a long and happy life.
The other two were for people my age. THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!! Right? Why does it seem that more and more people my age are dying. I guess it is because I am getting older, but this is not fair.
It is so hard to see people you care about hurting so much. My heart breaks for them.
And I help take care of an elderly family member whose dementia is getting worse. One day she lashed out at me for no reason. I realize it is just her condition, but it still hurts.
And I tried out a new job....that was just going to be too much for me....and I gave it up.....
And several of my loved one are dealing with health issues.....
And.....my joy is gone.....my depression has won. I could sit and just cry forever.
How do I get my joy back? How do I enjoy my life once again? I feel overwhelmed and defeated.
Life is just one big chore right now. Everyday is hard. Each moment a struggle for me.
Even the normal every day routine gets to be too much.....bills, and schedules....fix up projects and messes....responsibilities and worries.
I am tired. Stop world, I want to get off!! If I cry "uncle" will you let me alone for awhile??
I wonder if I can even keep on going. I try to look forward to things......but most of those times involve my family who all live too far away from me.
My joy is gone. Now what do I do?
Sometimes we all need help to get through rough spots. There's all kinds of help if one looks for it - medication, counseling, prayer, new activities. I think writing about it helps too, and perhaps just writing a journal (for yourself only) might be an idea.
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