I have a hard time finding a "church" I want to belong to. Every single one of them lets me down.....disappoints me in one area or another. It's called doctrine.....
The Christian comedian, Mark Lowry, said something once that I love and it rings so true to me:"Here we all are in this one place, Methodist, Presbryterians, Baptists, Catholics, etc.....and you know......somebody's wrong"!! haha
Now, I don't think of myself as superior...I think of myself as confused, misled and not fitting in anywhere. That's my life!!
I was brought up in a Lutheran Church....but I always felt like deep down inside I wanted to be a nun. Can you imagine the shock that was to my family!! Luther was a hero to my family.....but why did he oppose those things that the early church fathers had set down as a foundation?
Why are some books banned from the Bible? Why do Catholics allow some and Protestants do not?
As I entered my teen years I became a "Jesus Freak". I attended a charismatic, fundamentalist bible fellowship....guitar playing, long haired, loving Jesus kind of place. that's where I really was "born again" and decided to follow Jesus. This didn't set to well with my family either.
Then came the big blow when I decide to leave the Lutheran Church to join this Jesus loving church because of the differences presented to me about how and when baptisms should be done. See, Lutherans "sprinkle" babies
and fundamentalists fully immerse those who are old enough to decide for themselves.
Then I wanted to attend a Christian College....but was talked out of it because I wouldn't be happy there.....my parents said you couldn't drink, or dance.....and I always had to wear a dress......no jeans.....and I was a jeans girl. So, there went that idea.
Then I married and joined my husband's church......which was a mainstream church. The pastor did not preach Jesus which I had an issue with so we left there and went to another mainstream church.....it split because of of issues of doctrine. We went to another charismatic, fundamentalist church....it split apart because of doctrinal issues .......we went to another charismatic, fundamentalist church...ditto...same thing......
Guess what!!?? I am tired and disillusioned. I am not stupid...I read my Bible.I read other books.....I am reading the books that have been banned from the Bible..... I talk to God and I believe He talks to me.....yes, I have heard Him!!
I am tired of being told what to do, how to do it and what to believe in.
I am tired of so-called church people acting like they are better than me......
I am also tired of ministers who think they have to yell to make their point.
I am tired of churches saying you can't drink...news flash...Jesus did...he turned water into wine....AT A WEDDING!!
I am tired of being told you can't dance....DAVID DID!!
I actually had a well meaning church lady tell me my illness was caused because my heart is not right with God.....but also had another tell me it's the devil......
I'm tired of being judged by well-meaning church people. Reminds me of the song that says: "judgement looms under every steeple, from lofty glances from lofty people". I'm tired of church people thinking they are better than everyone else ......yet they live awful lives during the week,
I am tired of churches sharing their own ideas as if the were scriptural.
The bible can be interpreted in different ways.....I'm tired of being told what I need to believe in........
And I am not afraid to say that I am confused.
You know, the closest church set up to the way things were 2000 years ago is actually the "Orthodox" church....
Mark Lowry made another funny but true statement at a show I was at..."I'm not allowed to talk to Mary at the church I attend, so what's she like?"......
Like I said, for whatever reason......I happen to think it is God talking to me........I was led to pray a Catholic prayer during a real tough time in my life. Oh, I can hear the gasps annd the moans.......and I own a rosary and I pray it.......
Now, I am not promoting Catholicism.....I am just saying what I feel connected to......and I feel connected with traditional prayer, candles, music.......but I also love to listen to contemporary Christian music.......I love being able to wear jeans to church.......I sound like a confused mess don't I? I love learning about the lives of saints hoping their ways might rub off on me.......I love contemporary worship, raising my hands and feeling the Lord move. Like I said before in the blog before this I have been slain in the spirit and have felt God touch me in a mighty way.
It's not all just one way...one denomination for me.
Religion should not be a one size fits all......how sad...how boring. God made us unique individuals.....why would He talk to us and reach out to us all in the same way? What works for some won't work for all......and what works now may not work later.
My God have mercy on us all.......May God bless us...everyone.
Vicki~ Just a couple thoughts...first, it is frustrating when a church lets you down or there are issues you don't agree with. Sadly, every church will let you down at some point since it is made up of humans. I agree with you on a lot of this...one thought I have is that a lot of non-Christians look at the things that different "denominations" split/argue over and have to be thinking, "if this is what it's about, I don't want any part of it!". Our focus needs to be that we are ALL supposed to be sharing Jesus with the world and loving others (outside & inside of church) as Jesus would love them! And lastly, it is hard for most in the world now to imagine what the first church was like, but read Acts 2:42-47 for a look at what it looked like...they didn't just meet on Sundays or Wednesdays...they lived life together! :) Keep seeking, growing, learning ~ always!
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